Simpsons Script Excerpt from Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish

The campaign crew plaster the Simpsons house with Burns posters and the advisors prepare the family for the dinner.

ADVISOR
We're hoping that one of the children might pop up with a question about the upcoming election. Little girl, do you think you can memorize this by dinnertime tomorrow?

LISA
(reading) Mr. Burns: your campaign seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train. Why are you so popular?

ADVISOR
Very good.

LISA
Mmm... well, as long as I'm asking something, can I ask him to assuage my fears that he's contaminating the planet in a manner that may one day render it uninhabitable?

ADVISOR
No, dear. The card question'll be fine.

MARGE
Well, I think the non-card question is a valid--

HOMER
Marge! (to advisor) Don't worry. My daughter's very bright, and I'm sure she'll be able to memorize your question by dinnertime tomorrow.

ADVISOR
And finally, Mr. Burns wants you to appear very affectionate towards him. But we must remind you, he hates being touched.

[Later at the dinner table...]

HOMER
(with his mouth full, reading card) Um, you know, Mr. Burns, my family and I, um (Bart belches) feel that taxes are too high. Where do you stand on this highly controversial issue?

BURNS
Goodness! I didn't realize this casual dinner was going to turn into a charged political debate.

HOMER
I was only reading what the card--

BURNS
Homer, I agree with you and if I'm elected governor, I will lower taxes whether those bureaucrats in the state capital like it or not! Ahem, Lisa do you have a question you would like to ask your uncle Montgomery?

LISA
Yes, sir, a very inane one. Mr. Burns, your campaign seems to have the momentum of a runaway freight train. Why are you so popular?

BURNS
Ooh, a tough question but a fair one. Lisa, there's no single answer. Some voters respond to my integrity, others are more impressed with my incorruptibility. (Lisa leaves the table) Still others buy my determination to lower taxes. And the bureaucrats in the state capital can put that in their pipes and smoke it!